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The Rough Shifting of My Brain From “Mom” to “Doctor”

DSC_0885My favorite day of the year is December 26th. All work done, house a mess but, who cares – the kids are happy. No dinner to make. There’s enough left-over turkey for the apocalypse. I was sitting by the fire, new book in one hand, glass of Prosecco in the other. I never sit and haven’t read much this year so you’ll forgive me that I did not at first jump at the voice from upstairs.

Mom?

I am reading a good book, The Memoir Project. It is perhaps worth a blog post soon. I was sucked in by the promise of relaxation (fire, Prosecco) and uninterrupted creative thought (book). But then, there was something in the tone of voice that made me ask

Do you need me?

Yes!

Is someone …hurt ?

This last bit uttered as I ran, up the stairs, because by then I already knew.

The big brother sat wide-eyed by the crying, stiff little brother. They had been wrestling as bear-cub brothers will and, it had ended with the little guy crying out. Later, I asked his brother what made him stop the grip he had on his brother’s neck and he said simply that he said “ow.” Must have been a loud “Ow.”

And that is where the point of this story begins. They say that doctors should never practice on their families. There are good reasons and, dire examples. But how, I ask you, is a mother (doctor) supposed to not treat her kids? I don’t do their well checks. I don’t treat their colds. But I am present for their emergencies. At those , there is always a juncture when I have to wrench my mind out of motherhood and disassociate to be … a doctor. Sometimes it works.

This time it worked fine. I was able to calm the little guy, assess his sore neck (muscle spasm) and hug his sorry brother. Whew. But, don’t think that visions of quadriplegics weren’t dancing through my mind as I acted.

Other times it has been harder. I was an exhausted intern, coming home off a 36 hour stretch when I saw the rash. My firstborn (a.k.a. the big brother) was at a friend’s house when I picked him up. She calmly said that he had the strangest rash. I looked. He did. His rash was that I saw in the hospital on kids who died. My mind churned; it twisted – I had to be the doctor again?

Another day, one when I was supposed to be home recuperating from a big leg surgery I again, had to make that shift. The kids had gone kayak camping with their dad. They had paddled into a remote lake and broken camp, gone to bed and the next morning the sister felt ill. All their dad can tell me now a few years later, is that he just “knew”. So, he and her brothers packed it all up, boated everything out and then carried her out. She came home to me and they asked

is she okay?

Well, I will say I tried. I tried to make my mind turn from mommy to doctor. I tried to think clearly but.. it did not happen. Thankfully, her dad was wise and took his little girl with the near-ruptured appendix to the hospital.

I’ve also missed a few broken bones. Correctly pegged headaches as nothing to worry about. Ignored appropriately, several random stomach aches and, imagined cancer at least a half-dozen times.

The New England Journal of Medicine reports the dangers of treating our families. The American Medical Association advises against it. Many hospitals forbid it. I am a fine doctor. I am the best mother my kids have. I should not though, have to play both roles. But, I do at times and during those moments I hold my breath and try to avoid the worst while I summons a brain-shift from mommy to doctor.

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5 thoughts on “The Rough Shifting of My Brain From “Mom” to “Doctor”

  1. I like this post because as a mommy doctor, I too have difficulty with this frame shift from parenthood to medicine and back. While we don’t intentionally treat our children, in emergency situations we are forced to, sometimes against our own instincts. I wrote about this on my own blog here: http://mommycall.wordpress.com/2012/01/01/resolutions/
    I will not write prescriptions for my son or do his well checks, but it is hard to ignore some of the medical issues he presents so clearly to me without jumping into doctor mode. This struggle is one that I think most doctor mommies face on a regular basis, and we all do the best we can.
    mommycall.wordpress.com

    1. It is so nice to hear that I am not alone in this “struggle”! It certainly can be hard to avoid treating them. Here we haven’t hit on how hard it can be to resist/avoid treating our friends kids. I find that, at times, just as hard and complex.

  2. I do my best to not treat my kids, but you know, sometimes, your kid has a double ear infection on a Sunday. [This may or may not have happened in our house yesterday.] I must be frank that I will treat my kids in circumstances like this. If it is not immediately straightforward I call my boys’ doctor or bring them in. I think every MD struggles with this, especially pediatricians.

      1. I guess my dividing line is a bit porous. If it is not absolutely routine I do bring them in. One other reason why my comfort level could be different is that I’m a subspecialist. I perhaps am biased towards treatment in equivocal situations.

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